This post was inspired by another blogger who talked about Impostor Syndrome on Instagram (thanks @thatmacromomlife). It's funny that she posted it when she did, because I was looking for a title to try and tie up what I wanted to write about.
Imposer Syndrome all has to do with self doubt. It's something that I'm sure we've all experienced at some point before. It's, unfortunately, a feeling I'm all too familiar with. It's stuck with me through my years in percussion and music, and even now as I work on building my business as a photographer it still lingers around. It's a frustrating thing to deal with and is something that I feel like has put me behind in many ways, but I'm glad I'm recognizing it and getting over it now.
Now... what is Impostor Syndrome?
Impostor Syndrome, according to Wikipedia, "is a psychological pattern in which an individual doubts their accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a 'fraud.'" In other words, it's feeling like you're doing something that you don't belong doing, no matter what you've accomplished, and having a fear that someone is going to call you out for being a fraud in that thing. No matter what I did as a musician, I never felt like a musician nor did I feel like I had the right to be a musician. No matter how many times I created a beautiful art piece from my photography, I never had the guts to call myself a photographer.
These feelings stemmed from the thought that I had to be the absolute best at whatever it was doing, and if I wasn't the best then there was no way I could continue because that just meant I was faking it. I convinced myself in high school that there was no way to make a living from doing the things that I love so I should pick a practical major/career choice instead of going for jobs that I really wanted to do. I decided that I was going to go into nursing. Nursing was all about helping people, gave me good "mom hours" for when I wanted to have kids, and the human body is fascinating, so why wouldn't I want to work in such a cool career! I was even really happy with my choice, there was just something missing.
While I was serving for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Indonesia, I realized just how much I missed having art in my life. I longed to play with a group of percussionists again and was dying to create and explore beauty! I came to the realization that if I wanted to fill that void, I would have to overcome my fear of being an impostor and just "do the thing."
So, I applied to UVU for Music Education and as I gained more and more confidence in the fact that I can be successful in music, it opened up ways for me to do other things. In addition to starting a photography business I just ran a half marathon, I started swimming again, I'm entering a concerto competition, and a number of other things that I would never have done before.
Now I don't want people to think that everything is fluffy and "you can do anything!" I'm still being realistic. Even though I did just run a half marathon and I'm swimming again, I wouldn't consider myself an athlete, just trying to take care of myself in different ways. I'm still real with the critique I get with my musical and photographical abilities, it's not just all roses and rainbows. But I've discovered a self-confidence that I have craved for a long time and I want others to see too.
You are not an impostor just because you are trying something or if you're not the absolute best at doing it. Don't give up, and don't suppress talents that you could be growing. These talents are going to help you and others enjoy life more. You have them for a reason, grow upon them.
This self-confidence is something I hope all my clients can feel from me and will be something I can pull out from them. It's a principle that I want to set Browning Photography apart from others, amongst many other worthy principles. Let self-confidence is beautiful and contagious.
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